Things Not Seen, my personal religious faith:
I think its pretty well common knowledge I'm a christian, and I attend church almost regularly. I'm certain I'm saved, and despite some of my odd interests, and colorful vocabulary, I do try to live a proper life. I used to not be so sure of my faith though, I used to be what you'd call agnostic. I knew there had to be something up there, a higher power, but I wasn't sure of myself on it. Might do some good to explain my upbringing in relation to religion as well, that you'll better understand why I believe. I was raised on a mix of Roman catholic and Southern Baptist. I got the Catholic from my grandparents, and the baptist from my Aunt and uncle, and consequently I identify as a Southern Baptist even though I'm currently attending a non-denominational church. Its funny now though, I have a fairly strong faith in my lord and savior now, yet just 5 or 6 years ago, I couldn't conceive that concept.
My turning point in my personal faith started in my Junior year of High school. I made a new friend who was a little more in touch with things of the divine nature. He explained many things that helped me grow in my own faith. Because of that connection, I started regularly attending church on my own. Since then, I got baptized on an Easter about 2 years ago, and I've had things happen that I could attribute to higher forces. Like that afternoon when my last truck quit in traffic, and I had to have it towed. I prayed it would start while I waited for the tow truck. It didn't start then, but the next day when I called the shop, they said it was running good and they couldn't find anything wrong with it. I don't know about you, but I consider that an answered prayer. When I have problems in my life, I turn to god, and when I have really big problems, I drive out to a deserted beach about half-way between Jacksonville and St. Augustine, usually around midnight, sit on the hood of my truck and watch the stars as I listen to the tide roll in and pray about things.
Now what does my faith say about me? Hmm, well, I can say this: Those of us who share the Christian faith have become so mis-understood lately, and it seems we've come under attack on many fronts for our beliefs. They call us biggots, hypocrites and hate-mongers, among other nasty things. But that's not who I am, and they are not true Christian characteristics. A true christian is supposed to love everybody, no matter who they are. I would think that applies to the gays and others who live the odd lifestyles, even if we don't agree with them on those things. I mean, in my case, 5 years ago, I wouldn't have a thing to do with a gay person, I didn't care for them, and I didn't understand them. I still don't agree with them, I still don't entirely understand them, but they don't bother me like they used to. I've come to know a lot of them in the last 2 years, and some of them are pretty neat people even if they do live differently than what used to be the cultural norm.
Now I suppose, you're wondering what I think the afterlife will be like, as I hold such beliefs and well, I honestly couldn't tell you, I don't quite know what heaven will hold for me, to be quite frank, I don't read as much as I used to, and I should probably start again. But as for my take on heaven... well the bible says the streets up there are paved with gold... and the road to hell is paved with good intentions heheh. Anyway, yeah, streets of gold and everyone has a mansion prepared for them. Some people also say that each person's heaven is taylored to them individually. I say if that's the case, then I could probably tell you what my piece of heaven will look like. Check it: My personal heaven will likely be a small mid-western town dated between the 1930s and 1970s. Like there will be things from each decade in between in this little town. It will have the classic little main street, with the full service gas station on the corner next to the comic book store and the art deco movie theater. It will be situated in foothills, with a drive-in theater a lake and some farms on the outskirts. Instead of a Mcdonalds, there will be a classic diner-type cafe, and instead of a Sonic, there will be a real diner-car drive-in like Angel's Diner in Palatka. There will also be a Woolworth's instead of a Walmart. The town will have a nice little airfield as well, where the teenager's will take their hod rods to drag-race on Saturdays, things like that, that would be my ideal heaven... and all the inhabitants are of the furry variety, because why not? Of course maybe it will only be that way when the end times actually happen, maybe what happens when we die is something like maybe reincarnation. That's actually kinda neat to think about, like maybe I was an aviator in the 1950s in my last life, and that's why I like the 50s and aviation so much, or maybe I was like a fox or something in a past life, ha that would explain my fascination with the furries. But this is likely not the case. However, if it is then when I die, I'd be privy to request I be reincarnated backwards in time to be born in the mid-20s, so I can live through all of my favorite eras. and that if I can go backwards, I go knowing what I know now... Heh, yeah, that would be awesome. But coming back to my own reality of this subject, that is likely not the case.
Now to sum it up, I'm a Southern Baptist, but I don't quite fit the stereotype of the hate-filled person that people like to portray us as. As a matter of fact, I've become a better person from it. I don't judge people like I used to, and I'm confident I'm saved. I believe in an afterlife, but I can't say for sure what it will be like, though I do have my personal hopes about it.
Angels and Demons (personal interests):
Okay now this is where it gets fun, because my interests are many and varied, and some of them carry a stigma. Those of you who know me can probably name off most of them, and those of you who are closest to me can probably name them all. Now its good common knowledge that I have an obsession with classic cars and most things automotive in general. Its also very well known that I walk through life with one foot in the 50s... (and the other in the 90s heheh). What can I say, I love the culture, music, style, and cars from the era. Personally, I find 1950s culture to be very lively and vibrant. And the music of the era is something to behold, first generation rock and roll is amazing, and by the way, a lot of it was acappella. The style of the era was classy, and its a damn shame really, because in half a century we've gone from modest and classy to skimpy and trashy. But perhaps my favorite thing from the 1950s are the cars. The decade produced some of the prettiest cars with an almost perfect balance of elegance and performance.
Now I like all classic cars, pre 1980s anyway. They were built to last back then, and while I rubber-neck and drool over most all classics, my all time favorites are tri-5 Oldsmobiles. I mean tri-5 Chevies are pretty too, but they're too mainstream, like you can literally build them out of a fuckin catalog (yeah, I'm a car hipster, fuck you too). Its funny though, I consider myself an Oldsmobile man, and that's ultimately the brand I hunt, but more than any other classic make, all I seem to come across are Buicks! Check it out, my first project car was... a 1950 Buick Special. The car was a rust bucket with a straight 8 and a Dynaflow automatic, woulda made a swell rat-rod, but I ran out of cash and interest for it so I gave it back toDonnie. I've since found a '49 for $4000 on main street (way too much, I don't care how rare it is), a roached out '62 Special convertible for $500 (funny lookin car, its gone now), and the '72 Skylark I'm trying to buy now (see the attached pictures). Nothing wrong with Buicks though, they are, err were considered the mid-make between Cadillac and Oldsmobile. I just find it funny that I'm running across Buicks primarily. I suppose I get my love of classic cars from my granddad. He had a sizable Danbury mint model collection, and he'd often reminisce about some of the cars he used to have. It really helped foster my appreciation for the older cars, and I've consequently actually gotten good at identifying them. Yeah there are some I couldn't point at tell you about, but I can identify most and maybe only be off by a year or model or two. Show me one and I can probably rattle off a pretty close, if not spot on answer, fairly quick. They are all pretty in their own way, and I wouldn't mind having any one of them, but there are 4 in particular I really want. Topping that list is the 1957 Oldsmobile Fiesta Holiday Hardtop Wagon. I want it in Deep Purple (fiesta purple in '57) and white, with a royal blue accent stripe in the trim (the accent stripe was indeed an option that year), with the competition J-2 Rocket engine, 371 cubic inches pumping out 312 muthafuckin horses, with hi-lift cams, race pistons and that oh-so special triple deuce carbureator set-up. I'd sell my soul for such a car. Second, the 1955 Ford Fairlane Crown Victoria Skyliner, commonly called the "glass-top" Ford for its green-tinted plexi-glass moonroof. Third is a 1957-'59 Studebaker hawk so I can build that wild custom I dreamt up 2.5 years ago as I cut grass in a junk-yard. And lastly I want a genuine 1948 Tucker Torpedo... because its an awesome ass car heheh, but I'd need Jay Leno type riches to get one, I saw one auction off for about $3.5 million at Barret-Jackson in Scottsdale about 5 years ago.
I have other interests as well. Besides cars, I have a thing for aviation. Now I don't know about you, but flying is the shit! And in all my skybound exploits, I've never had a problem with the airlines or the TSA. Of course, its kinda hard to have such issues when you only fly in small planes, and let me tell you, I fucking love to fly! (though its been about year since my last flight) I've had a serious interest in aviation since middle school at least, but I didn't get my first taste of it until about 2 1/2 years ago. I remember the occasion well. The EAA had their Ford tri-motor over at Craig Field and I went over there to book a seat for I think $75. But I didn't pay $75. I paid $125 and booked the right seat instead. Best fucking 125 bucks I ever spent! We flew out over the beach, and for about 5 minutes, I actually got to take the controls and fly a 9 seat airliner from the 1930s. It was awesome, needless to say I was beeming with one of those shit-eatin' grins when we landed. I did it again the following January and I've been hooked ever since. Its funny, too, I still have the ticket from my first plane ride, its hanging on the wall next to my front door with the promotional poster for the event. I've since become a member of EAA Chapter 193, and through that I've built several aviation connections and had many additional airborne adventures, like volunteering with and subsequently flying in their B-17. I've sat in every position on that bird except ball turret and tail gunner, and I've done more shit with it than most will ever get the chance to do.
As for what drew me to my interest in flying, well I suppose it stems from several things. My Uncle Pat has a casual fascination with it, although he doesn't fly, so he was an influence, But I suppose what really turns me on about is the freedom you have in the air as opposed to on the ground. Your speed is only limited by the capabilities of your bird, and you have a whole sphere of movement as opposed to the circle you have on the ground. And that moment right at take-off when the plane leaves the ground and you're pushed downward and back into your seat by the forward and upward motion of the plane... well I haven't yet encountered quite as awesome a feeling anywhere else, except maybe a roller coaster. The only thing keeping me out of the air right now though is money, or the lack thereof... aviation ain't cheap.
I like to travel too, usually by car. Contrary to popular opinion, I think long drives are the best. Why do you think I love my current job so much? With the exception of flying there are very few activities I get a bigger kick out of than taking a long drive alone I can plug my ipod or phone in and jam out to some hot-rod music, trucker anthems or classic artists like Bob Seger and Gordon Lightfoot. Or I can ride on in silence, alone in my thoughts to ponder personal issues or current events and the problems plaguing the world today. I find it therapeudic, and I recommend that everyone take a completely random trip once in a while. Heheh maybe then y'all will stop robbing, killing and electing shithead leaders, but that's none of my business.
Fishing serves a similar purpose for me. Its fun and relaxing to just sit on the shore with my rod in one hand and a cold one in the other. I like the peace and silence between frantic catches, and I like to listen to music or reflect on things as I fish. Its been a while since I've cast a line though, because I don't have a fishing license and I don't know of many secluded spots to fish at near me. Funny how I used to go fishing every other day in the neighborhood pond when I was a teenager and now I don't hardly ever go anymore.
Its kinda funny how things are different now since I've moved out on my own. I used to be so creative and artsy I guess. That brings me to two other interests of mine. I draw and write a lot, or I used to anyway. It was amazing, the awesome things I could draw in class and at my desk at home. I was pretty good at it. I'd fill the skies with warbirds from the 69th (number pun) fighter and bomber groups. And they all had "what the Fuck" abbreviated in the 3 letter identifier on the side. I'd fill the seas with warring battleships, destroyers, and subs too. Yeah, I'd draw anywhere, anytime. I suppose you could say I had a talent for it, but I'd seldom color my drawings. rather, I'd take a finished sketch, and scan it to a flash drive in the school library, then I'd put it through photoshop where I'd clean up the lines and add color. I still have most of my original sketches and a drive with all the files on it, and you can also find almost all my art and revisions on here. I had a vivid and twisted imagination when it came to writing as well, as I had a warped talent for spinning a good war story or maybe a highway love saga. Be it my morbid humor or inherent brokenness, I could usually channel it through my art and writing.
But I haven't drawn or written much since high school. Its kind of sad really, because I was getting pretty good at it. There were many factors that broke me of both past times however. For the writing, it was losing half of a chapters-long highway love story, subsequently moving to Jacksonville, and adapting to a newly busy lifestyle that killed it. And while I have been inspired to write over the past couple years, every time I do, I dunno, its just not as fluid as it used to be. I began losing my inspiration to draw not long after high school as well. Yeah, I produced some excellent works that summer, such as my Oldsmobile wagon (a personal best), but it kinda died when I attempted to draw furries for the first time. And my skills just kinda deteriorated from there. Having 24/7 access to TV, internet, and videogames didn't help, and ultimately served to distract me from it. Of course I no longer have a working TV, I sold most of my videogames so I can have money towards that Buick, and my computer is about to crash, so I no longer have much in the way of distractions anymore. About the only thing keeping me from drawing now is the frustration that comes with retraining myself to do it.
Now what of these furries I keep sharing. Well, I don't know how well y'all know me, and this may come as a huge shock to some, but I really like furries. Rather, I am a furry I guess. Its not something I'm especially proud of and I actually consider it a personal demon sorts (hence the title of this post), but its a huge part of who I am today. I honestly couldn't tell you why, but I'm not afraid to own that shit and I feel like I owe y'all an explanation as to what they're all about.
So as to what a furry actually is, well there is no singular definition for them. Its different for everyone, but basically its like so: Its a fandom, a very large, nerdy and diverse fandom centered around art and things having to do with anthropomorphic animals, think Disney's Robin Hood, or mickey mouse, or maybe Brian the dog from Family Guy. Basically take, I dunno a dog or any other animal really, any breed, it don't matter really, make it walk on two legs and talk like we do... And that's pretty much the gist of it. Furries, as in the members of the fandom, are fans of animals that exhibit human characteristics. With them I identify, refer to these links for further (and probably better explanation);
youtu.be/eAJ_6ByEgeU (funny song)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToqJdr… (informational video done by a friend)
youtu.be/U6bqiEa6kd8 (another, more in depth informational video)
Anyway, I found out about them in high school when I overheard others *cough* Rob *cough* talking about them. Upon asking about them, I was told to look them up. So I did and I was hooked by what I saw. And no, it wasn't the porn, its that and the really twisted subgroups that get blown out of proportion by popular culture. Beyond the porn and the creeps though, there's awesome art and fun people who are a breed all their own... but mostly foxes, wolves, and huskies heheh. And that's what I like about them, once you forget the bullshit, they are simply-put, beautiful.
I have what is commonly known as a "fursona" (furry persona) or character that represents me, as well as about 15 other random characters I developed from some of my stories. My personal character is a fox, more specifically a Palm Valley Spotted Fox named Jake Anderson. I came up with the "species" on my own, and the species name has a meaning specific to me. Palm Valley is where I grew up, and its sentimental to me. And Jake is a spotted fox because why the hell not, there are too many generic red foxes in the fandom already. In addition to his red-orange fur and grayish-black handpaws and feet, I gave my character some very unique markings that hold a lot of significance as they are symbolic of some of my favorite things. On his back he has 2 types of spots. There is a big black oval spot dead center on his back that is divided into 4 pieces. The negative space with these 4 parts make the Oldsmobile Rocket emblem form like the '70s and '80s. Then there are the little white spots around it that form a pair of angel wings. They sybolise 2 things. First, that am a Christian, and second that I am an aviation nut. He also has a few random spots on his tail. he has additional markings on his forehead. Between his eyes you can see another small black Oldsmobile rocket. This one has a rocket trail that runs down his snout to his nose. It then curls to form a smoke whisp on either side of his snout. Its meant resemble a launched rocket, but perhaps the coolest thing about his facial markings, is that I mirrored those wisps with the lower black marks on his snout. Then there's the field of white on his belly and neck. I went ahead and extended them a ways down his inner arms. It was originally supposed to resemble a cross, but it honestly looks more like another Oldsmobile rocket, so its another rocket. He has a unique outfit too. I have designed 2 custom shirts for him, one has the 1957 Oldsmobile symbol on it, and the other has their rocket as seen in their ads from that year. Outside of that, he wears jeans and a confederate belt.
So I guess you're wondering how deep into it I am. Well, I don't yet have a costume or fursuit for my character, and I don't know yet if I'm going to get one because they cost too much, like anywhere from $300 to $3000+ actually, and I just don't have that kind of kale to throw around. As for my group interactions... There is a sizable group of about 25 or so here in Jacksonville that I regularly interact with. We have a game night (board games and the like) about every 2 weeks or so, its clean, wholesome fun. Outside of the Jax group I've been to one convention. Do you remember my Megaplex trip? Yeah, that was a furry convention, and a very family-friendly one too. There were lots of different activities and panels for almost any interest. There was an art dealing area, known at all such cons as a "dealer's den", and nightly dance raves. As for the stereotypical sexual side. Look on 4chan, fur-affinity, or maybe e621 for porn, and pop into most any room party at a con to find the orgies everyone thinks all furries partake in. As for me, you can find me on Fur-affinity, but you won't catch me in any room parties, they're not my thing. In addition to these things I also like to, and promise me you won't laugh at me for this, but on occasion, when I'm driving alone and a really good song comes on, I will belt out a howl to the instrumental parts, particularly guitar solos, as well as sing with it, Hank Williams Sr.'s "Lost Highway" is a particularly good song for this as is Men at Work's "Who Can It Be Now". and that's all for that really.
Among my other interests, I'm a World War Two history buff, Just all the strategies, and the technologies developed back then, so cool and in some cases ahead of their time. And the stories told by those who were there, really awesome stuff. I'm also a gun enthusiast, bite me you bleeding hearts. anyway, I'm what you'd call a poor gun enthusiast. I want to collect firearms, particularly from the world wars, both allied and axis weapons, I think they're pretty cool but I can't afford them! The B.A.R., Tommy gun, grease gun, M1 Garand, and Colt M1911 are among my favorites. Anyway, I'll elaborate on guns at another time. So instead of guns, I collect a whole litany of other seemingly random things. Primarily old antique movie equipment, antique toys, and perhaps the wierdest one, old hood ornaments off of 1950s cars. Of those, I have 5 and I'm workin on number 6. Those are my interests.
Fear And Loathing In America (my politics; post 1):
Generally speaking, my political ideologies can summed up in 3 terms. I consider myself a constitutionalist, a minimalist, and an individualist, or a libertarian for short. Basically, I believe in a smaller government that operates within the original guidelines set forth in the constitution. As for how I'm an individualist. well, if you want fill your head with smoke be my guest, the people you lay with behind closed doors are none of my business, and if you want to go to that clinic and commit that that dirty deed for whatever reason, well you go right on ahead and do that cupcake. I only ask one favor in exchange. Don't include me in those activities, and as for that last one, don't do it on my tax dollar I beg of you. It doesn't sit right with me that our own government is funding that shit.
Now what I'm seeing today is a far fucking cry from what I grew up knowing. In my opinion, this country has really lost its way in the last 8 years alone. You know your country's in deep shit when your "president" rules with an iron fist, your congress is full of a bunch of goddamn spineless pansies (and don't you tell me otherwise!), and your supreme court serves as a backdoor for the upholding of unconstitutional legislation when your spineless congress actually grows a pair and calls your supreme leader on his bullshit. Quite frankly I've grown so fucking sick of the constant bullshit that I no longer follow politics and current events as much as I used to. Like it just pisses me off so much that people are so fucking naive that they cant see that all these politicians who are making all these unrealistic promises aren't doing it for the people. It pisses me off that everyone is just so passive to the fact that the very fuckers they elect to govern and protect them are taking advantage of them. Let me explain something to you, that you might understand why I'm pissed off, and why I'm politically aligned the way I am. This pertains particularly to the touting and distribution of government handouts, and I want you to pay close attention to what I'm about to say. These handouts like welfare, EBT, free healthcare, and the free college Colonel Sanders is promising are entitlements. And most of you dummies seem to think they are free, well they're not, that shit comes out of my check in the form of taxes. Anyway, haven't you guys noticed how so many of these asshats are spewing all these promises about expanding these entitlements and producing new ones. Does that not strike you as maybe just a little odd? I mean, they promise all this shit, and you're all so gott damn stupid that you just buy into it without question it seems, and you all focus so much on the handouts that you just overlook all the anti-american politics of these assholes, and that's precisely what they want you to do. Its exactly like fishing, check it out. A fisherman baits his hook with say maybe a worm and casts his line. The fish sees the worm and is like "hey look a worm! I like worms, what are the odds!" The fish gets so focused on the worm, that he overlooks the hook within and eats the worm only to get hooked. Once hooked the fish is reeled in and you can probably guess the rest. Look at yourselves in relation to it like this: you guys are the fish, the free shit is the worm, the politicians' true agendas are the hook, the politician of course, is the fisherman, and you guys are so fixated on that worm... do you see where I'm going with this? See there is an underlying warning here, and I hope you guy can still heed it. But basically the point I'm trying to make is this: Entitlements breed dependence, dependence breeds compliance, and compliance leads ultimately to destruction. Not only that, but a lot of these guys are gun grabbers and I hate those kinds of people. There aint a damn thing wrong with guns, moreover, there aint a damn thing wrong with a well armed public. Matter of fact, I'd feel a lot safer if everyone carried guns. Because contrary to popular thought its a much better deterrent than having no guns. Trust me when I tell you banning guns won't stop the criminals from getting them, its called the black market. Not only that, but our second amendment in its original conception, was meant to serve as a safeguard for all our other rights. so that when you get an asshat petty dictator in office who tries to restrict your freedoms, you can defend those freedoms. A politician's endorsement of this right, or lack thereof, is a make or break thing for me. Unfortunately Sanders and Hillary are both against the 2nd, so I'm against them all the way.
There's a ton of other things I'd like to discuss as well with the next series, much more than I care to type tonight, but this is a pretty good slice of my personal political beliefs.